Been There Done That!

Finally, I get some time out to write... to express through this page all that is happening around, not that I was always too busy, but because I never found the right place and the right time. Like just now, I got up from my deep sleep (believe me getting up early morning is like getting up from a deep deep sleep)just to find out that there is no one at home (busy people in my family, have jobs and everything, hell even the help in my house goes to school) and just when I thought that this was the perfect, peaceful time to make a blog entry, my phone rang. It was my mom informing me to clean up the place as my nanna is about to visit us. This is just an example of how my very creative and expressive mood is thwarted for frivolous and mundane reasons. But then this time I told to myself, its either now or never. For heavens sake its like 2 weeks to my wedding and hell I need to Express before I tie the knot. Ironic that I just used heaven and hell in the same sentence cause thats exactly how I am feeling these days. Sometimes I am feeling as light as a feather, all high, like in the seventh heaven and then there are the other times where i feel like I am drenched in the lowest levels of melancholy, unsure of my future. And what is with this cold feet thing. Why does every consented adult who has got into marrying the man/woman of his/her choice gets this dreaded "cold feet" things? I hate the feeling, hate it when i suddenly feel that all i was doing from the past 5 months was wrong. I am only happy that this feeling soon vanishes but leaves behind a feeling of being manhandled and traumatised ( I wish there were some way of suing this feeling). Anyways, my blog today is not about how to sue this "cold feet" feeling but to express how happy I am that I am a woman, and that I get to be a part of all this very different, yet amazing feeling. Its a feeling that really cannot be expressed ( just like the feeling of childbirth, painful yet ecstatic). I can actually feel myself getting evolved from a girl to a woman. Sometimes I do stuff that nobody taught me but it was the right thing to do as a mature, sensible lady. And you know this feeling is big for me, as never in my life had i imagined that one day i would start thinking sensibly, selflessly and rightfully like my mom. Just to know that I am starting to do that is so amazing a feeling. Sure, I behave childishly at times, but only to be appreciated, cause that was what was needed at the spur of the moment. Every girl goes through this phase(i guess), there is no definite age for this phase but its a phase that only happens before marriage when slowly you get in sync with the idea that soon you ll have to leave your warm cocooned nest and fly away to experience this new world with new people.
So people ask me these days, how are you feeling, nervous? excited? and I tell them that really its a mixture of both. In Chemistry we were taught that a mixture is a material system made of two or more different substances mixed together but not combined chemically such that the identities of the mixed substances are retained like the alloy or colloid. So no one (esp a man) can ever understand this feeling as one may have experienced both the feelings individually but to experience them together is very different, its an alloy! Also I point out "esp a man" referring to their very diminished sense of feel or appreciation of small things in life. Some donot even have that part of brain which makes you sense the tiny pleasures and beauty of life( I am really sorry but its true). And so I say that I love being a woman and I wish that I always be born as a woman ( although next time i wish i be sexier, cant get enough of that ;)). But lets leave this topic on this note as I really dont want to be sexist here. I love "their" species in general. My dad, bro, my would-be :), my friends, love them all.
In a couple of weeks I am getting married and being the first one in my group to do so, everyone is really excited (including me). Everyday that passes by makes me feel closer to my new life and further from my existing. Imagine leaving all that you built for the past 24 years of your life behind and starting a new - not very easy. But the promise of that special someone always staying and supporting you and the hope of drawing your own picture of a perfect life makes you keep going ahead.
I have the feeling that, as a woman, when i turn seventy ( God hope I do ) I would be ready to say - "Been There, Done That" :)