Being British

Here I am, preparing for the ‘life in UK test’ for British Citizenship - slowly learning the British ways, nationalising myself to the history, culture and traditions of this foreign land. Trying to prove myself qualified enough to be English. And as I do this I ask myself - If I am learning to be British does that mean I am unlearning to be an Indian? Does qualifying a test make me British? Is it wrong to be a British but still hold the Indian flag at heart? All these questions haunt me. I may neither be able to fully embrace the “Britishness” even after I become a “British citizen” nor be able to fully embrace my Indian patriotism after that. My sweet pragmatic banker husband struggles hard to understand these emotions churning inside me. He fails to understand that how can a piece of paper matter so much. Giving up, he has now accepted my emotions and tries to show me the brighter side of it all - the convenience of being British and an Indian at the same time. So creating this false image of dual citizenship would solve my problems? The thing is I can’t be like that and no matter how much I lie about being an expert “multi-tasker”- I am not; and it is this innate inability to manage multiple ideas together for the same purpose that takes over my emotions. Hailing from the star sign Libra, I am nothing if I am not fair. And my whole life is about striving hard to strike a balance between different ideas. Of course there are times when the scales go haywire and it takes forever to get them back to balance each other, but until it happens I never rest in peace. I think I am in that same situation now.


Now that I read more and more about the British history, I understand where these people come from. So, is it horribly wrong to appreciate this culture? Am I a traitor if I look forward to be a Britt? Let’s face the facts. It was my decision to come to this country, my decision to work here and it is this country that pays for my livelihood (not getting into the details of global inter-dependency and the un-proportionally high taxation). It’s just like converting to a different religion for your love after you marry, many people do that but what complicates the situation here is the overwhelmingly horrible past. The past which leads to the future and I’d be lying if I say that the idea of paying to see the Kohinoor at the Tower of London doesn’t pinch me. Yes, it is all unforgettable – the atrocities, the monstrosities – but did it all go away with the East India Company? Then, there were the British and now there are the corrupted leaders, policemen, khaap panchayats and what not. Not to forget, there was a major section of British people who were against the concept of colonisation and were always protesting against it (I am reading through it all now). I am just thinking here, should I let the ghosts of the past haunt me? Is it fair for me to look down upon history without flipping through each side of the coin? The people of this country - The United Kingdom - have selflessly welcomed development at all times and at all costs. No wonder a country which experiences one of the harshest weather conditions and has a population of just over 60 million ( which ranks them at the 80th position in the world in terms of population) has managed to be a world leader in all times. A country where population of women is more than men (an idea unforeseeably hilarious for India) and where for the first time in the world a woman was elected as the Prime Minister (Margaret Thatcher - also the longest serving prime minister), there is no doubt about the evolved minds of people here. The country grows on you one way or other.

The next question that devours me is the idea of renunciation of the “Indianess” in me. Does renunciation of Indianism also mean renunciation of Indian ideologies which make me a Hindu? How far can I separate Indianism and Hinduism? There is ofcourse a thin line between the two and much of it depends on your beliefs and faiths. I am not a devout Hindu but I am a devout Hindu wife/ daughter. Would I ever be able to leave behind this Indianess? Would that ever be possible? The question answers itself; not in a million years. You can take out an Indian from India but you can never take out their Indianess (clichéd? I know :) ) So how could I be fair to my soon changing identity? I think the nearest solution would be to balance my Indianess with my new acquired Britishness whilst upholding the Hindu Culture and traditions throughout. Hinduism is of course separable from Indianism and thats what I ll strive to achieve. As always, I have successfully pen down my emotions to portray my feelings about the changes I am going to see in my life. Now you know how messy I am ;)